Comfort

I've exchanged a number of comments with my friend Chantel about our state of comfort...or lack there of to be more precise. I made a comment to her about my discomfort before I spoke on one occasion...the exchange went something like this:

Me: "Who thought this was a good idea? I guess no one got the memo that I am completely uncomfortable speaking.."
Chantel: "Like that matters! At some point you will realize that when you said yes to Jesus you agreed to this level of discomfort!"

It is true. I started thinking about my level of comfort tonight when I was reading the book The Circle Maker; the author stated the following:

"Where do you feel like you need God least? Where are you most proficient, most sufficient? Maybe that is precisely where God wants you to trust Him to do something beyond your ability"





I seriously almost started laughing. There have been seasons that I have felt at ease in my ability whether it be in classes or in various jobs...I seemed to get into a rhythm and I was comfortable with what was expected from me. That last line says "...God wants you to trust Him to do something beyond your ability." I could not identify a single area at this point in time where I feel particularly comfortable or confident in my ability!! I feel like every area is outside my ability!

Finances? God has and will continue to provide and I trust Him, but I know without a doubt that it is only by God's continued intervention that I made it through undergrad & grad school, made a huge move to Alaska and am living on my own. I'm always being shown how to trust Him more here.

School? I'm done! But I promise each step of that journey was God's idea not mine...my last semester of classes I was taking 12 hours of grad classes, working 40 hrs and involved most nights at church. No part of that was easy or comfortable.

Work? I mean this is what I went to school for right?? Yep, 5 years...do I feel like I know what I'm doing? Not most of the time!!! I would say 99% of the time that He asks me to do something beyond my ability..the idea of running away from everything sometimes sounds better.. (I know that is not a logical or real option....that is why I just keep showing up!)

Ministry? Not really!! Most moments I just plead for God to show up for me because otherwise I'm certain I will fall on my face! I've had many many "outside my ability" moments, whether that includes speaking in front of others, teaching or other areas I pretty much am in a state of discomfort.

There are other examples I can give, but my realization for tonight is that in all the significant areas of my life...I live beyond my ability or level of comfort. That is a good thing...it means there is opportunity for growth and I like that part, I just do not like the discomfort that goes hand in hand with that!! But like Chantel said...I agreed to this level of discomfort!

So for all of you living with me in that state of discomfort just know it is ok to be in that place! It likely means you are where you are supposed to be and God is working out some great things in and through you! Keep showing up, every time, whether you feel confident or not, trust God and be obedient.

He knows my heart...

I was talking yesterday with a few great friends, just looking back some on the course of events from the last few years and the things that God has done. I was reminded of the summer of 2010 and how the day before I left Wrangell, I stood looking out the window of a friend's house and just cried. Like cried to the point that I drove everyone around me nuts because I could barely enjoy my last bit of time there because my heart hurt at the thought of having to leave without knowing when I would come back. I left knowing God had put Wrangell deeply in my heart and believing I was called to be there, but at that point He gave me no specifics on the when or how. I left only with the word that I was being sent back to Texas to be further prepared and to increase my burden for this community. But I knew that God knew my heart.

I also remember one of the youth one of my first summers there telling me that I should be the counselor at their school. I remember thinking how amazing that would be, but I was years away from finishing school and a move to Wrangell wasn't even strong on my radar then.

Fast forward to last week, and I get the news that my agency is switching my grant program so that I can work in the school to provide services to the students. He knows my heart. Within 6 months of starting at my agency, God lined up the details so that I have the chance to work with the students that have had my heart for years on a daily basis.

There are plenty of other desires and promises I believe that God has put on my heart. I easily get impatient and frustrated at times because I want to see other things begin to happen, but moments like being told last week that I will be working in this position remind me that I can trust God with my heart because He is the one that puts those desires there.

So whatever your circumstances, even if you have no idea how God will work things out...just keep showing up and keep being obedient...He knows your heart.