Processses

It's all a process. It's all a choice. Some days I feel like I handle this all better than others. I am sure of this though; nothing experienced is without purpose. Success and failure. Life and death. Joy and pain. And everything in between God has determined to be used for His glory. That makes it worth it. It makes everything worth it actually.

I love how God answers prayer, but at times the way He answers is a challenge or at least uncomfortable. He is teaching me to outlast my flesh. And the way that is taught is through situations and my choice to respond to it. Ouch. Not always easy...actually usually not easy, but it is something that I desperately want to be done in my life. I don't want to be driven by what I feel because it is so deceptive, you can't trust your emotions!! And there has been plenty of opportunity to allow emotion to overwhelm me. I know I still fail over and over, but I want God to keep walking me through it until my heart believes what my head knows.

I want so badly to be walking forward in the plans for my future God has...for me what I want and what I feel capable of are a horrible mismatch of ability. But I'm reminded that He has brought me from so much already and usually when there are dreams and goals that require us to have God show up that's when we know it is God stirring things up...I want to be open.

A social worker came in and spoke to my community organizations class and she said one of the most important things she learned was that thru risk she was able to be developed and if she could do it over again she'd take more risk. That we all could walk into a comfortable career that we could easily handle, but if we put ourselves in a place where we are uncomfortable and it pushes us to grow that it serves to develop us far greater than playing it safe. I want to take risks and grow. Whatever that looks like. I don't want to limit myself but explore possibilities and if I fail that I let that be ok and move forward.

I'm trusting the desires that God is putting on my heart are His heart and if they aren't that He will open and close the right doors, but that it's ok to pursue opportunities and desires as I seek His heart. I can walk forward boldly. Cause even in my failure He will teach me.

Thinking so much of the future...where He'll take me...what process He'll take me thru to get there...things I'll have to risk. It's a journey. Much to consider and much to anticipate.